Ridiculous
by Rhapsody in Pink
Summary: Lily and James meet *after* Hogwarts after having an odd love/hate weird friendship *in* Hogwarts. Inspired by my other story ('Reunions)
1. Part One

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A/N _this is just something I wrote while trying to get back in the mood for 'Reunions'. But then it got so late that I couldn't actually write my reunion chapter. Anyway, I've always wondered how mature Lily and James would treat each other after school if they had a hate relationship in school…_

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Disclaimer: _It all belongs to J.K. Rowling and I don't claim to own anything but the plot, Hannah, Michael, the Blifferman project, and Mrs. Hayfield... _

Ridiculous

By: the Bumbling Firefly

Lily idly wondered what the sky outside looked like. When was the last time she'd bother to glance outside the window? It had to be months ago. Lily shook her head and rubbed her cool fingers against her heated face. It was three o'clock in the morning and it had been months since she'd got her last night of sleep. Now she was almost done with the Blifferman project at the Ministry and then she could go home. She arose from her seat and plodded across the messy office to her cloak. With an off chance glance, Lily caught sight of herself in the mirror and stifled a half grin. If Petunia could only see her…! Her eyes were red and puffy and her hair hung limp and faded. Lily mentally reminded herself to take a bath. It was a wonder she didn't stink by now! She flung the winter green cloak across her shoulders and drew the hood up to hide her face and hair.

The cold air blasted her face and entered her dusty lungs as she entered the outdoors . Lily coughed a couple of times as she fought through the snow to her apartment. Normally, she would have apperated straight home from the office but since she couldn't remember the last time she saw the night sky she had decided to walk. As the wind pushed her backwards and Lily bent her head, she sniffled and wondered how she was stupid enough to choose to do this. It was undoubtedly the worst decision she had made in a long time. If she could only find a tissue! 

The stars twinkled merrily down upon their unhappy victim. Their cold glow followed Lily to her second floor apartment where she gratefully unlocked the door and entered the warmth. Never would she walk home again! Besides, she reasoned as she blew her runny nose, it was dangerous to walk alone at night what with all the Voldemort hoopla going on. With a sigh, Lily poured some soy milk for her lactose-intolerant cat and boiled water for soothing tea. Her eyes drooped sleepily as she climbed into bed with a steaming mug and a book. The empty space beside her made Lily depressed. Would she, she wondered, ever find another boyfriend like Michael? It was not likely to happen, Michael the jerk, had dumped her three months before for a Parisian bombshell. Lily wished she didn't feel so lonely…

***

The sun's warm glow flooded Lily's bedroom as she blearily opened her eyes. Her hacking and coughing promptly took over. It had been a mistake to walk home in the cold. Lily immediately knew that as she crawled out of the bed and performed the charm that allowed her to speak to her colleagues. 

"I'm sorry, Hannah," Lily's head sniffed to her superior. Her nose was making this awkward and Lily felt utterly miserable. "I just don't see how I could make it today."

"It's quite okay," Hannah assured Lily. "We'll deal. I'm actually surprised it took you so long to break down. You must have been quite healthy." Lily grimaced, Michael had been an incurable outdoorsman and he'd taken her on too many outings to recount. 

"Yeah," Lily said weakly. "Are you sure you will be okay?" The Blifferman project was an important affair- one she didn't want them to lose on her account. 

"Sure, of course," said Hannah. "In fact, the Minister sent over one of his top deputies (a retired Unspeakable I believe) to handle the case. Now you just get back in bed and don't fret. I'm sure James Potter will take care of everything."

Lily obeyed Hannah. The smell of donuts in the office made her want to vomit. It wasn't until she was back under the covers with Calcifer the cat snoozing next to her did she recognize the name. It couldn't be, she thought drowsily, _the_ James Potter. He wasn't old enough to have retired. After all, she was only twenty-six. 

***

Lily woke up again at two in the afternoon when the smell of chicken noodle soup and toast was blown in her face. She opened up her sticky eyes to find Mrs. Hayfield, the landowner, sitting next to her. 

"What?" yawned Lily. She was appalled to hear her voice crack. 

"How you doing?" Mrs. Hayfield gently placed the entrée beside Lily's bed. "Hannah says that you have some fever and aren't to come to work until you are completely and one hundred percent better." Lily moaned and covered her face with her pillow. 

"Why," her muffled voice came to Mrs. Hayfield, "does the wizarding world have no cure for the flu?" Mrs. Hayfield shook her head sympathetically. It was the last time she was sympathetic during the ordeal- Lily was not the best patient. 

***

"Mrs. Hayfield," Lily complained as she once again attempted to make her way through the door. "I'm perfectly alright and I think I can go to work again." It was a week later and Lily had gone insane with being cooped up inside. But her symptoms had been reduced to mere scratchy throats, watery eyes, and sneezes. "Don't you think I could get my wand, now?" she wheedled. 

Mrs. Hayfield looked over her patient critically. Lily had been stripped of her wand privileges the first time she'd used it to apperate to the office. Lily claimed that she'd only wanted to meet her replacement (which had been a complete lie) but Mrs. Hayfield didn't buy it. Lily had grumbled for the next two days because her office was incredibly neat and tidy, something she despised. All her documents were color coded and everything was easily accessible. Lily had been growling deep in her throat with anger when Mrs. Hayfield caught up with her. Much to her protestations, Lily was taken home immediately and placed into her bed by force. Lily had determined that she needed to meet someone that could do such a sacrilegious act. It was highly irresponsible!

Mrs. Hayfield studied Lily and after a moment of hesitation, gracefully consented Lily's right to go. 

"But," she warned, "you are to apperate only, sleep regularly, take a minimum amount of work, and eat at meal times." Lily stopped in her joy dance mid-way. Mrs. Hayfield had just described her usual schedule as 'don't 's. 

"What?"

"If you can't do this," Mrs. Hayfielde said sternly, "no work for you." Lily considered her options and she was enormously subdued by eleven o'clock which was the time Mrs. Hayfield finally let her go. 

Lily arrived in Hannah's office looking enormously ruffled with a pink thermos filled with soup and a timer wrapped around her wrist. She was also packed in by multitudes of over large sweaters which hung off of her soup nourished body.

"I can't believe this!" Lily raged hurling the thermos on Hannah's desk. "She has me on a **timer**!" Lily's voice had gotten quite loud and she paused for a moment to cough delicately in her hand. Hannah flicked her wand so that the door closed out the amused looking workers. They had missed their boss' temper. This new guy was incredibly calm. 

"Quiet yourself," Hannah said calmly as she conjured a tea cup filled with the steamy liquid and handed it to Lily. Lily slammed the saucer on the table and sloshed its contents on her timer wrist.

"Ouch," she hissed. "And don't think tea is going to calm me either!" she warned Hannah. "This is absolutely positively the _last_ time you are to notify the house owner that I'm sick. That woman is _a monster!" _Hannah clucked her tongue.

"To think you'd say that about kind Mrs. Hayfield," she scolded.

"Kind Mrs. Hayfield indeed," Lily mimicked in a shrill voice. "That kind Mrs. Abbot has set all these restrictions so I won't even be able to work properly. Just listen to this! I'm supposed to eat every meal of the day, note the timer, I'm supposed to take only a minimum of work, and I'm to sleep regularly. She's going to be **CHECKING **for goodness sakes!" Lily turned for a minute to look out of the office window and to gather control of her temper by the lightly falling snow. A light knocking interrupted her reverie and Hannah's work. 

"Come in," Hannah called. She giggled at Lily. "This new guy is incredibly hot. I could almost wish you'd been gone an extra week."

Lily sniffed disdainfully and glared at the door as if daring the intruder to enter. Had she been gone so long as to let the workers forget that they NEVER interrupted a temper tantrum?

"Pardon me, Hannah, but I have the Blifferman project done," a messy black head appeared from behind the door. His rectangular glasses winked in the sunlight. Oh no, Lily thought, it couldn't be…! 

"You didn't," Lily cried in disbelief to Hannah the traitor. "And you just called him cute? Aw, great, this is just great! And he's been in my office? _Touching my stuff_? Great!" Lily clenched her fists together. Of course her timer chose this highly inappropriate time to go off. "**Great**!" Lily muttered to herself. "I'm going to damn Mrs. Hayfield to hell and back!" 

"After such a highly immature display of emotion," Hannah said with dignity- ignoring the fact that Lily had just divulged the information that she thought Mr. Potter was cute, "I will forgive you only because you have been ill. And I do believe you are supposed to be eating now." She smirked at Lily.

"You're welcome to take my office, Ms. Evans," James Potter added with a grin. He couldn't help but think how cute Lily looked when she was frustrated and angry. Brought him back to the good old days, it did! 

"That's **_my _**office, **Mister**Potter," Lily corrected stiffly. "I just hope you haven't bloody ruined it by now!" 

__

"Wouldn't you know?" James asked innocently. "I was informed that you'd visited without permission recently." Lily turned her back on James to stare with shock at Hannah. Hannah shrugged apologetically and Lily's blood boiled. James Potter had been known to convince to girls to spread worse secrets but this was plain wrong.

"Well," Lily sniffed and gathered her dignity, "I'll just be excusing myself and going back to _my _office for lunch." As soon as she had said the words the buzzing noise coming from her bracelet wrapped around her wrist stopped. Hannah laughed and Lily exited calmly as she desperately controlled her inner fury. This lasted about five seconds- up until she had reached her office. 

"What the," she exclaimed in shock as her eyes scanned the place. Her office was meticulous and everything was in an easy to reach place. Her eyes narrowed as she began to comprehend the damage _Mister Potter _had done. "I can't believe it!" she fumed. "He was here, walking in my office, sitting at my desk, _touching my things_." Her voice grew shrill as she examined the desk with the neat row of photographs glinting in the sunlight. "Han_nah_!" she shrieked.

"What, what is it?" despite Hannah's earlier traitor characteristics, she still cared about Lily's health- she was god at what she did!

"Will you look at this?" Lily demanded as she held up a shiny gold frame. Inside a moving picture of a gorgeous man with blond hair and gray eyes waved cheekily. His smug grin got under Lily's nerves. "Look at it!"

"I don't see the problem," Hannah said but…, "Oh, _oh_." she groaned. "He didn't!"

"He did," said Lily darkly. James had entered the room behind Hannah. "How do you explain this, young man?"

"First of all," James said drawing his eyebrows together. "I happen to be older than you Carrot tops." Lily steamed some more. "And second of all, I don't see what is wrong in cleaning of spilled ink!"

"That wasn't just _spilled_ ink, Pothead," Lily hissed , resorting to her school day name for him, "that ink was purposely supposed to be there!" She threw a disgusted look at the man in the picture who was being visited by Geraldine Forgewright- a talent agent whose picture was downstairs. There were getting it on while doing the tango. 

"Um," said James uncomfortably, "do you mind if I ask why?" 

"Yes!" Lily snapped. "And I mind that you turned a perfectly good office into this- this- this _trash hole_!"

"Hey," defended James. "I'm thinking you're stretching 'perfectly good' and 'trash hole'."

"Well I don't think I am since it is _my _office," retorted Lily. "Are all the Potters prats or is it just you?"

"You would have known if you'd just agreed to meet my parents at graduation, Lily," James sighed deeply but the twinkle in his eye betrayed his resignation. 

"Oh, please, you probably would have made me look like a fool."

"Well thank you Miss Cynicism, and for your information, Lily Evans," James said virtuously, "I was a poor sap back then who happened to be laboring under the delusion that I actually liked you. Thank _god _it turned out I didn't but at the time I would have avoided making you look bad in any way."

"Then what was that about making fun of me in you speech?" accused Lily. Her mind hadn't absorbed the fact that James had said he'd liked her.

"You made fun of me in yours."

"Oh…yeah," Lily paused for a minute absentmindedly. Meanwhile Hannah watched the whole display rotating between amusement and disappointment. Dating James Potter might have been fun but Lily was obviously in love with him. 

"I know precisely what you are thinking, Hannah," Lily said suddenly a few moments later. "and I am _not _in love with him." Hannah blinked in startle-ment. How did Lily know what she was thinking?

"I know all," Lily added with smug tones looking into Hannah's face.

"In love with who?" James asked with curiosity. Obviously he couldn't read minds like Lily "could".

"Either you or Michael and whichever one she's thinking about it is not going to happen." Lily stopped as abruptly as she'd started before swinging back to James. "Did you really have a crush on me in seventh year?"

"Damn, I knew I shouldn't have mentioned anything!" cursed James. "Yes, your almighty graciousness, I did. And in sixth year too. Am I missing anything? Nope, every year before and since I've disliked you immensely."

"You didn't even know me before you were eleven," Lily accused. 

"I still hated you because I am special." 

_-Yeah, you're special alright_- Hannah thought again before mentally slapping herself. _-Stop it, that's Lily's guy-_

"Potter," Lily said abruptly, "come with me."

"Why?" asked James. "I'm long past that 'I'll follow you anywhere' stage in my life. I believe I just told you that."

"Stop being a pig, James, you're treating me to lunch."

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-Wow- Hannah thought as a bewildered James followed Lily out of the office _-Lily sure works fast!-_

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*END PART ONE*


	2. Part Two

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Author's Note: _I've updated everything like crazy except for my Professor Trelawny story (which is incredibly childish and I'm wondering whether or not I should let go…) Anyway, no "get back to Reunions" reviews because I just added TWO WHOLE CHAPTERS (in which plenty of things occur) so hah! And this is almost done anyway._

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Also: While describing the price I used a symbol of which I do not even know what it means. It was the closest on to pounds that I could find (trust me, after ten minutes of punching numbers in your keyboard, you're ready to give up too) and the place I usually go for help on such things (Lissa Explains it all…) wasn't working for some reason. Therefore, sorry about the wrong symbol. 

Disclaimer: _It all belongs to J.K. Rowling and I don't claim to own any of it besides what was previously mentioned in Part One. The Brown Bag is a restaurant that I went to in Rockland, ME so therefore it does not belong to me either. Felicity is Michael's weirdo girlfriend (& James' ex) but she belongs to me too._

Ridiculous

By: the Bumbling Firefly

James wandered after Lily and through the departments cafeteria before they entered the sunny outdoors. He was immensely relieved because he was convinced Hannah's eyes had been following him and it gave him and itchy feeling at the back of his neck. It was probably left over from his 'not-so-secret-now' former job at the Unspeakables department. 

"So Lily," he started after the silence had gotten too heavy to bare alone. "Why are we going out here again? Weren't you supposed to Apperate only?"

"I'm not going to do everything that loony Mrs. Hayfield told me too," Lily said defiantly. "We're going out here because you are going to buy me a decent lunch. Living of soup for a week isn't exactly doing much for my taste buds. And besides, I want to be able to tease you in a more public place then my office. Did you really have a crush on me?" 

"I will never live this down will I?" James asked a little hopefully.

"Never."

"Damn. Well yes, I did, and we've been over this before." James turned his head away before she detected the slight blush. "And I know living off soup for a week isn't very nice for the taste buds because I had to do it for _two months_ before I was allowed to work again." He looked in disgust at the pallor of his skin. It's wasn't actually very white- more of a light tan- but James did _not _like it one bit.

"What happened?" asked Lily with slight concern in her voice. Now that she thought about, James **was** looking a little too thin for her tastes. Had he really been ill recently?

"Oh just business," James said a little angrily. "I was so close to getting them but my partner messed up and then *snap*, I was ambushed. This was actually the first time I've worked since the accident. And now I'm useless to the agency." He sounded a little depressed and despite herself, Lily felt a twinge of concern. She dismissed it as too wild for even her~ especially if Hannah heard of it. It wouldn't due to let Hannah know she was right- she'd be far too smug. 

"James," Lily startled James out of his pity-fest. "You're making yourself sick and I'm not cleaning up after you if you get sick. And if you get sick than I'll probably get sick and then it will be one helluva sick party. Maybe I could invite Mrs. Hayfield to spook the living daylights out of you by putting you on a timer. Now look, there's _The Brown Bag _and I've been wanting to try the place out for a while. Hannah recommended it to me a little ways back . So mop up you tears and take out your wallet because _you_ are buying my friend." She dragged him to the door. 

"Excuse me?" James asked. "I believe _you_ are buying because I believe it was _you_ who took me here."

"Gentlemen _always_ treat the ladies and go easy on the italics," Lily reprimanded.

"You aren't so light on the italics yourself and this is the age of female empowerment. So I believe it is you who is buying lunch."

"I'll buy you one of those giant gingerbread cookies, James Potter, if you will pay for lunch. And don't go all mopey on me there Pothead. I don't know _how _your favorite cookie reminds you of your former job but it is just as well you quit because only natural disasters and myself are allowed to pick on you."

"And vice versa," James retorted. The bell jingled as they entered the small restaurant. "How did you know that gingerbread was my favorite cookie?"

"Oh lord," Lily rolled her eyes. "If you only _knew _how many odorless, tasteless potions I slipped into your special stack of cookies at Hogwarts."

"So that's how you did it," said James with the air of a much enlightened man. "I'd always wondered…"

"Well, it's just as well that you were stupid," Lily said with a cheerful grin. "So what do you want? I'm leaning towards the club sandwich myself."

"Jeez, go gentle on you stomach brutal Evans," James said with a grin. 

"What do you want me to eat, applesauce?" demanded Lily. 

"Well, I was just noticing how that happened to be the most expensive thing on the menu happened to be that."

"Oh, yeah," admitted Lily sheepishly. "That might have played a roll in my choosing. But I'm sure your pocket won't burst from the terrific price of four knuts and two sickles."

"Yeah, I'm sure it won't," James agreed while fishing through his pockets for his coins. 

"Well, I'm not going to buy it anyway," Lily reassured him while examining the menu again. "I think I'm going to have a cup of soup and some toast." James looked up as he pulled out a pouch of coins. 

"Excuse me?" he asked in disbelief. "Isn't the whole reason for this outing so you don't have to eat soup?"

"Maybe," admitted Lily cautiously, "but I still want to tease you. Besides, you've never tasted Mrs. Hayfield's soup, you lucky boy."

"Oh, yes, so fortunate am I," James said sarcastically. 

"I swear to god, James, if you start thinking about your bad ending as an Unspeakable one more time I'm going to smack you upside the head! Now normally I'm not an abusive or violent person so I'd like to preserve my reputation in this wonderful establishment. SO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT."

" '_Normally'_ you're not a _'violent or abusive person'_?" James asked in disbelief. "Who are you kidding? I was half killed after you mauled me in the halls because you found me so irresistible."

"First of all," Lily said with great dignity (rather pleased that she'd gotten James' mind off of his old job), "I did not find you irresistible as you seem to believe. And second of all, I only mauled you in the halls after _something _unusual happened to me and I afterwards received a courtesy not signed '_Got you again. Better luck next time! Love, James_'. Those were unusual circumstances and I quite think you deserved a mauling."

"Fine, I concede to your argument," James said gallantly. "Now what do you want with your soup and toast?" They had reached the counter {after receiving several odd looks from fellow customers} and James had already ordered his grilled cheese and root beer.

"I suppose just water is fine," Lily said scanning around the roomful of witches and wizards. 

"Okay," James answered handing the coins to the cashier. He continued subtly flirting with the manager until their food was ready.

"James," Lily warned as they sat down at a recently emptied booth, "you're embarrassing me and you _know _what will happen to you if I get too embarrassed."

"Why are you embarrassed? Because you're out with a devilishly handsome man (if I do say so myself) and he isn't paying a bit of attention to you? I didn't know you cared."

"No," said Lily smoothly, "because you are flirting with a sixty year old witch."

"Aw, Lily," sighed James. "No need to get jealous."

"I can almost remember why I despised you in the first place you egotistical little pumpkin-"

"Food's here," James exclaimed overriding the rest of Lily's insults. "And I know you don't mean what you say because you love me." Lily steamed and wondered why she had made this guy buy her lunch in the first place. Oh yeah, free meal but still~ she was buying him a gingerbread cookie. Why did she still remember his favorite cookie after all this time anyway? It had almost been ten years! Well, actually only eight but _almost_ ten. Was her subconscious trying to tell her something? _-God, I hope not!-_ Lily thought.

"Lily," James interrupted. "After all this banter about food, you're not even eating your lunch."

"Um, yeah," Lily stirred her soup before bringing up a spoonful to blow on it. James was about to take a nice big bite into his cheesy sandwich when he spotted a couple waiting in line. 

"Oh shit," he sighed. Lily's spoon clattered into the bowl as she stared at the couple too.

"Michael," she breathed.

"Felicity," James said at the same time. "Wait- is that the guy that was in your picture frame?"

"Yeah," Lily mumbled hiding her head in her hands. "Oh please don't let them see me!"

"What are you worried for?" James asked. "He's dating a complete psycho. It took me almost a year to get rid of her."

"You dated her?" Lily asked in disbelief.

"What, it's a surprise?" James questioned. "Yeah, I dated the bitch-"

"James," Lily said a little horrified. "Since when have you sworn like that?" 

"Nevermind," James shook his head. "So did the guy dump you for her?" Lily blushed and nodded. "Well, first of all, he's an idiot, and second of all," James grinned mischievously, "I know exactly how to save your dignity."

"How?" asked Lily honestly curious.

"Do you trust me?" asked James and his grin grew even wider. Oh, the possibilities!

**__**

End Part Two

**__**

Author's Note: Sorry about the whole lunch thing but I was feeling quite hungry at the time and my dad was not sharing any of his cashews. NOOO_, he just sat there smirking at me as he ate almost the whole can. Why am _**I **_the one that gets the immature dad?_


	3. Part Three

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Author's Note: _Hmm, so what is James' surefire plan? "Do you trust me" hehe, I've been watching too much Aladdin for sure!_

I'm also quite mad at fan fiction.net because I updated al these things and now it won't let me see my precious reviews! Life is so unfair sometimes!

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Disclaimer: _It all belongs to J.K. Rowling and I don't claim to own any of it besides what was previously mentioned in Part One and Part Two._

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Right now I want to kick myself because I was almost done with the chapter and word prossessor close up AGAIN!

Ridiculous

By: the Bumbling Firefly

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"Excuse me?" Lily asked in obvious disbelief. "The last time you said 'do you trust me' I ended up swimming back to Hogwarts from the middle of the lake."

"Okay, so maybe those weren't the words I wanted," James admitted with at grin. "But I won't do anything so stupid now."

"Yeah right," Lily sighed. "Okay, so what is your super plan?"

"Well," James paused waiting for a drum roll. Lily only tapped her feet impatiently. 

"What?" Lily demanded. 

"Hold on," James said. "It's a bloody brilliant idea. Though even a genius takes his time…We _could _pretend to be fiancées."

"What?" Lily gasped in outrage. "I could have come up with a better idea than that!"

"Hey," defended James. "I was working in a short time frame here!"

"Fine," Lily sighed. "But we should probably look the part."

"Yeah, I guess," James admitted. He stealthily crept to Lily's seat. She barely resisted laughing.

"Do you think they noticed?" he asked when they were finally nose to nose.

"No," Lily whispered. "But why am I pressed against the wall."

"We have to look the part, dear, sweet, innocent Lily," James grinned. "Besides, it's fun making you mad and knowing you can't blow a gasket without giving up the ruse."

"You're impossible, did you know that?" Lily asked.

"It's one of my charming trademarks," James grinned dashingly. "Besides I'm being all heroic and making tremendous sacrifices…"

"What?" said Lily. 

"As I was saying, before you rudely interrupted, I'm making a tremendous sacrifice- for instance, while we sit here blathering about nothing my perfect cheesiness of a grilled cheese is getting cold." His tone was one of martyrdom. 

"Well, excuse me, your highness," Lily said huffily. 

"You're excused," said James with calm authority.

"You _are_ an idiot, did you know that?"

"Yes."

"Now shut-up before you expose our fiasco. Do you want to get caught?"

"Maybe," James said grinning. "After all, we all know the _real_ reason as to why we are like this."

"Why?" asked Lily instantly regretting the words as soon as they were out of her mouth.

"Because you want me," James said with another dashing grin of his. 

"Oh yes, James. I want you, I _need_ you," Lily said sarcastically. "Now shut-up."

"Lily, I feel like you don't love me," he wailed.

"Before you die, James," Lily said through gritted teeth.

"I'm not going to die," James said with false assurance.

"If you don't have a death wish then you'll _shut-up_." The vehemence with which she spoke did quiet James rather immediately. He almost felt lucky to have his life.

Lily thought in silence for a few minutes, trying to see if there was a lose end in their charade. She wondered how James and she could battle in light animosity and then suddenly help each other out of jams. James was nice, she conceded. _-But ugh!- _Lily thought. _-Oh dear god don't let me go there! I'm not that desperate-_

"James?" she ventured a little while later after James had got himself into a stupor. 

"Yeah?" James asked bringing his glazed eyes to Lily.

"I don't want to kiss you or anything," she began ('Yeah right,' said James. 'Shut-up' answered Lily), "As I was saying. I don't want to kiss you or anything but don't you think you should have some lipstick on you or something. Even though all those ads say that the lipstick doesn't smudge but I know mine to be infallible. Mike would never believe it in a moment."

"So you want me to kiss you," James asked with a debonair look. "Aren't you the one who damned near killed me in sixth year during detention with Professor Sprout when I tried to-"

"Shut-up James," Lily said. "No, I'll just smudge it on your face. You don't mind my spit, do you?"

"No," James said. "Although in fifth year I do recall being blinded by someone's spittle flying at me during Transfiguration-"

"Will you ever be quiet?" Lily demanded anxiously she wet her lips. James heard her mutter something suspiciously like 'I don't know why I let him talk me into this'.

"You know," James started, trying to keep things friendly, as Lily smudged her lipstick around his mouth, "this is almost like your kissing me."

Lily stopped short and stared at him. "Yeah, well this is all the action you're going to get from _me_ Potter. I happen to have morals unlike that Parisian bombshell over there."

"Felicity?" James asked. "Felicity is horrible during well, um- you know."

"James," Lily said sharply. She felt a weird feeling at the bottom of her stomach. "Don't you ever say such a thing to me again." -_It's not jealousy_- Lily reassured herself. 

"Sorry, Lily," James apologized. "I'm sure you're much better." _-Oh, shit-_ James thought -_I've put my foot in it again-_

"I wouldn't know," said Lily virtuously. "And you wouldn't either."

"Sorry about that, Lily," James said again.

"It's okay." Lily was quiet again and James' eyes glazed over as he thought longingly of his now cold grilled cheese. 

"James," Lily said in his ear. "_Potter_."

"Huh, what?" James groaned. 

"Do you think they've gone?"

"I sure as hell don't know," James gritted his teeth. Oh, what he did for old acquaintances! "Check- no wait. You're hair isn't messy."

"And yours is," Lily stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "What's your point."

"Every time I snog someone," ('You didn't snog anyone' Lily said 'Will you shut-up' said James), "Anyway, _as I was saying._ Every time I snog someone their hair is always, ALWAYS a mess. I this thing you know-"

"I don't care about your thing," Lily said, annoyed (though it was more for the fact that she DID want to know rather than didn't.) "Just mess up my hair."

"Fine," James grumbled. "The things I do for you. You owe me _two _giant gingerbread cookies."

"Fine," Lily grumbled too. She looked over his shoulder. "They're sitting in a booth to our far right."

"Let's go greet the ex's," James said with a grin.

"James, you aren't going to make a fool out of us are you?"

"Who me?" gasped James with mock outrage. "Would I ever make a fool out of our most serious relationship? _Never."_

"Yes," was all Lily said. _-I thought as much- _she added in her head. _-I just wish that the feeling of his arms around me didn't feel so good- _

"Take a chill, Lily," James said, for once no mischief in his eyes. "Like you said before, only disasters and James Potter are allowed to get Lily Evans. It's time for your revenge!"


	4. Part Four

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Author's Note: _about the money changing thing, well it was written into my author's note and it turns out that I switched it to wizard exchange anyway. Whew! I feel kind of stupid now!_

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Disclaimer: _As before mentioned in all previous chapters. _

Ridiculous

By: the Bumbling Firefly

*

Felicity giggled and leaned close to Michael. She delicately sipped from a straw out of the same pink shake as him with he pinky arched daintily in the air. This scene was almost to much for Miss Lily Evans.

"I can't decide whether I should sock her or whether I should vomit," Lily admitted to James as he swung his arm around her.

"Yeah, well, I'd recommend the vomit since she's pretty nasty with her claws," James advised as they began the leisurely stroll towards their unsuspecting prey.

"James," Lily gasped. "Don't be rude!" She slapped his arm leaving a nice red spot.

"I can be as rude as I want to be for your information," James said. "Don't slap me! But just to save your infinite humiliation, I'll play the adoring love slave." 

"You?" Lily asked. "Playing the adoring love slave to _me_?"

"Hey, I'm a good actor," James wheedled. 

"I'll just end up laughing hysterically," Lily declared shaking her head. "No, no."

"If you giggle we'll look more like lovers?"

"Fine but don't you ever say that again. Hello Mike, what a pleasure to see you again!" Bingo, they had reached their destination.

"Uh, h-h-hello Lily," Mike stuttered with surprise. "I can't quite say the same…" James hated to admit it but, as much as an asshole Mike was, he hadn't been quite passed over in the looks department.

"Oh well, I'm the one who spotted you," James interrupted charmingly, just in time to restrain Lily from throttling Mike. "I'm James Potter. Nice to meet you."

"Pleasure is all mine," Mike said reluctantly as he curiously eyed Lily's messy hair and James' lipstick adorned face. 

"Well, er, yes," James said with a look at Felicity who was gazing at him with worship. The whole thing was beginning to make him uncomfortable, in fact that itch thing was starting up again on the back of his neck. Lily unconsciously patted it and James looked at _her_ with real worship. How had she known about that? Weird! "I just wanted to make your acquaintance because Lily has told me a few," James broke of with a peal of laughter (concentrating on a prank he had pulled on Snape in fourth year), "_things _about you. Plus we have another mutual friend. How nice to see you again, Felicity. It's been two months, hasn't it?"

Felicity felt like she was drowning in James' eyes. Oh how she'd missed him! Who was that little brat by his side, anyway? "Three months and four days," she corrected. James coughed uncomfortable and pulled Lily a little closer.

"Um…yeah."

"So how have things been going for you, Mike?" Lily asked with a grin that she just couldn't restrain. Mike's expression was perfect when he realized that his date was attempting to hit on her boyfriend.

"Good, good," Mike said with an angry glance toward the unfaithful Felicity. "I'm being assigned to photographing some of the animals down in Africa."

"How marvelous," Lily enthused. James pinched her bottom- she was becoming all too interested in this Mike fellow again.

"_James_!" Lily hissed with a blush. O, he was so going to get it from her later. James merely shrugged and cracked a grin. Lily couldn't help grinning back at him. Damn that Potter! Mike watched the proceedings with a glower on his face. Just look at that lipstick on that Potter fellow! And look at Lily's hair! This was not the way it was supposed to be! Lily was supposed to be heartbroken for a year- how long had it been? A month? This was not acceptable!

"So it was nice running into you again," James said politely to Felicity.

"Take me with you?" she begged. James shuddered. _-God no-_he yelped in the safe capacity of his brain.

"I have a girlfriend now, Felicity," he replied gently. "You see her with me."

By this point both Mike and Lily's bloods were boiling. Mike was full of outrage at the humiliation his date was causing him and Lily was suddenly feeling very territorial of James and there was no WAY she was letting him get back with this trash! And she'd had the audacity to beg him for a date in front of Lily! The nerve. 

"Well, we have to leave now," Lily said with forced cheerfulness as James turned his head away from the embarrassing spectacle Felicity was causing. She was starting to feel bad for putting James through such torture…maybe she'd buy him three ginger bread cookies. "I owe James some gingerbread cookies." The slight accent she placed on her words led Mike to believe that there was a sordid reason behind this. His mouth twisted into a most unbecoming grimace. Lily was quite glad that she was without him now.

"Yes," agreed James who had brightened considerably since Lily's last comment. Who needed psychotics like Felicity? "I believe you owe me two."

"Actually, I owe you three gingerbread cookies," Lily smiled. "For being so good."

"Oh…," James mischievously let his sentence dangle in the air leading Mike on some more. He had taken an instant dislike to the guy. "In that case…" He grabbed Lily's hand and led her abruptly away from the loser. He seemed as if he were polluting the air.

"James you were very rude," Lily said once they reached the bakery. "It wasn't very nice at all."

"And just who told you I was nice?" James demanded. "I have a reputation to keep up~ I'm supposed to be dark and dangerous!"

"James, you've never been dark and dangerous," Lily laughed as she paid for his cookies. "You are the one that everybody loves." 

"Are you saying you love me, Miss Evans? Because I think you just did."

"I did not!" Lily blushed. "Besides, your idiotic best friend was the one that was dark and dangerous back in Hogwarts."

"Sirius? Sirius couldn't hurt a fly except…well, when…"

"When somebody did something really nasty to one of his friends. Yes, I know Potter, and that was why he was dark and dangerous. Girls swoon over guys like that."

"So they don't like me?" James actually looked so hurt that Lily felt bad. 

"Of course they like you, didn't I just say everybody loves you?"

"Even you?"

"James we are not going down that road again!" Lily shivered outside in the more bitter wind. She was going to get it from Mrs. Abbot for actually going out in this weather!

"Here Lily, take my coat," James said and draped it around her without even waiting for an answer. Lily wrapped it around her and breathed in. The coat had a nice smoky mixture of cologne, peppermint, and various other things that were so…so…James.

"Evans, are you smelling my coat?" Lily jumped.

"Okay, I was NOT smelling your coat."

"It looked like it to me."

"Well than you were suffering from delusions. Why in the world would anybody want to sniff your coat?"

"That's what I want to know," James grinned. He knew, of course, that Lily had been inhaling his coat and it was such a funny thing to watch he couldn't resist comment. The tips of his fingers got warm just thinking about it. 

"Well, you couldn't get it from me because I was not smelling your coat," Lily said with dignity.

"That's right Evans," James peeled of the foil covering the first of his gingerbread men. It was still slightly warm from the shop. He watched Lily watch him as he took a bite. "You want to try a piece?" he offered. "It's good."

"No, no," Lily refused. "I bought it for you."

"It's weird, this could possibly be the first nice thing you've ever done for me," James mused as he bit off the arm. He saw Lily eying it. "Com'on. I insist that you take a bite so that you don't freeze. It's nice and warm," He wheedled. 

"Oh, well…um," Lily said looking at the gingerbread. The spicy aroma was killing her. "I guess so."

"I knew you'd come around," James said with satisfaction. Gently he broke off a piece. "Open your mouth."

"I can feed myself," Lily said irritably. "Just because I was sick for a week does not mean that I'm completely incapacitated."

"Sure, whatever you say," James soothed her. "Now _open your mouth. _I'm very picky with my food."

"Has anybody ever told you you're insane?" Lily inquired while obediently opening her mouth. "That was very good!"

"Obviously. All my food is good," James smiled smugly at her as he broke off another piece and ate it. 

"That's nice James," Lily said in an absentminded way. She was actually trying to figure out another way to get a piece of the gingerbread. She knew she should have bought one for herself!

"No way," James said as soon as he noticed Lily staring at his food. "You just ate lunch and my grilled cheese was ruined!" 

"I wasn't asking for food," Lily defended. She leaned over and gripped the hand that held the gingerbread. "Yum."

"Evans!" James cried in horrified tones. "Do you realize what you've just done?" 

"I took another bite out of your gingerbread?"

"Yes!"

"Potter, how could that possibly bother you?" Lily asked as she brushed the crumbs off of her mouth. 

"I happen to be very possessive of my food," James stated haughtily. "You _bit_ it."

"Do I have germs I wasn't aware of?" Lily inquired archly. James mumbled something that she was sure constituted a yes. "Take that back or I'll beat you up!"

"Like you could," James sneered making a very elegant impression of Lucius Malfoy. 

"Of course I could," Lily stated. "But I'm a dignified adult now and can't afford to make an impression like that on the public." James looked at Lily closely as she said it. _She actually meant it! _he thought with a trifle disgust. She needed to be loosened up a bit. Well he was just the man for the job. 

"It's time to get back to work," Lily said flatly as they entered her place of business again. James merely nodded biding his time. As soon as they were on her level he would make his move. Not that there wouldn't be pleasing side affects either, he was sure. 

"Yes ma'am," James answered dutifully. Lily sent him a shrewd look after she stepped on the revolving 

stair case (a nice innovation put in by the Minister). What was he up to? She wondered. 

****

"Hey Lily, you feeling better?" Bob McGee called to her with an enormous amount of bravado. He was an 

assistant in her office and often got the most brutal yells during the day. Lily smiled at him. 

"I'm better, McGee. How are the kids?" 

"Good, good. The pregnancy is going along fine too." Bob smiled and crossed his fingers. 

"Great! Maybe it will even be a boy this time," Lily said cheerfully. James had watched the whole display 

with something akin to amusement and disdain. 

"Getting friendly with the co-workers are we?" he asked thoughtfully as he followed her into her office. 

"Sure, sure," Lily answered. "So what's been going on since you've been here?" She seated herself behind 

the desk and began to be all business like. James wanted to smack her. After all, she was even 

still wearing his coat!

"Well, O' Henry resigned. The Uhulu case was resolved…," James trailed off as he sat on the desk right 

in front of her. Lily stopped stacking papers and turned to him abruptly only to find his face right next to 

hers. Lily began nervous all of a sudden, sure they had been close in the restaurant but this time James 

Potter was looking straight at her with something smoldering in his blue eyes- barely hidden behind the 

shine and twinkle of his glasses. She shuffled her papers with a little agitation. 

"Is there…anything else?" she inquired. His unique smell of cologne, peppermint, and soap was even 

stronger now that he was this close to her and staring straight into her eyes. Damn it! This was no time to 

be getting caught up in school girl fancies, she hadn't been this attracted to James since the Yule Tide 

Ball in sixth year. 

"No, nothing really," James whispered in Lily's ear. He was seducing her and he knew he was trying to 

seduce her but this constant proximity to Lily was enough to drive him over the edge. Lily shivered 

listening to the husky timbres. She was not attracted to him, she was not attracted to him, she was not 

attracted to him. Damn it! She was attracted to him. "Will you marry me?"

Lily stared in shock. Had he just? He couldn't have. Was this just some elaborate hoax? Lily did the only 

reasonable option she had left: she burst out laughing. 

"P-P-Potter," she choked through tears of mirth. "You almost had me going there for a minute!" 

"Excuse me?" James asked hurt. This is what shows of falling in love. "I was serious."

"James you are never serious," Lily informed him but stopped short at the look in his eye. "Were you 

actually serious?" she whispered in disbelief. 

"Yes," James said slowly before turning away. He didn't care that he had been rejected- no, of course not. 

His heart could spend eternity smashed up on the floor, it wasn't as if it mattered much anymore. He was 

a grown man! He'd survived over a dozen assassinations. Was he really going to get messed up over a 

woman- Lily Evans at that? The unfortunate answer was yes. 

"James," Lily said softly trying to catch his attention. He shook her hand away from his shoulder. "James, 

didn't you hear me?"

"Hear what?" James asked with all the mockery of a broken hearted man. Lily's hand rubbed his back but 

he flinched away from it. 

"I said," Lily told him in his ear with a trace of her typical annoyance, "that I'd love to marry you."

"Joking is unappreciated," James said turning around to face her. 

"But I'm not joking," Lily said. Suddenly all the fire and blaze was back in James' dull blue eyes. 

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes."

"Than prove it." James stared at her daring Lily to prove him wrong. She leaned close to his face and gave 

him a soft kiss on the lips. James looked at her again. 

"I don't know," he said slyly. "I might need another one just to examine."

"Oh you idiot," Lily scolded with a laugh but nevertheless she pushed herself against him and kissed him 

again. Except this one was full of blazing feelings and emotions formerly kept dormant for so long were 

unexpectedly released in a volley of passion. James' glasses were askew as his hand crept to the small of 

Lily's back and pressed her to him. Lily was in heaven floating through the air. There was something 

about this: it just felt right. 

Hannah peeked through the door to see her replacement kissing the replacee senseless. She shook her 

head. Why was it that Lily was always the one to get the cute guys?

****

THE END

*

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Author's Note: Whew! That took a lot out of me AND it took forever. Sorry if this chapter isn't exactly up 

to snuff!!


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